Let the Party Begin…a beautiful ending…dealing with grief.

I know that that the title of this post may seem contradictory. But, an explanation is the order of today. Dealing with grief and celebrating life.

This is a postscript to the post I wrote about adding fabric photos to a blanket a few weeks ago.

I didn’t share all that this family has walked through here; but, there’s been a lot.

You see, my husband’s twin sister went to Florida in August with her daughter and best friends; and while there, had scary symptoms that needed immediate attention when returning.

Fast forward to today and those symptoms proved to be a rapidly growing liver and bone cancer that took her life quickly and relatively painlessly. A true blessing.

That blanket I made was a solace for her when my husband was away. A comfort that after she died her granddaughter asked Uncle G if he wanted. When he gifted it to her, she was overjoyed. That represents GG to her. She sleeps with that blanket every night and has forbidden my niece from washing and taking the GG smell away.

A unexpected blessing that the heart gift made for her grandmother has proven to be. It’s still continuing to bless.

As I said earlier, this post today is one of sharing about dealing with grief and celebrating life.

There’s a twin thing that occurs between twins that I shared on the twins’ birthday that I watched in awe.

It continued through her illness and even after her death.

My husband was my hero through all of it. We made the 3 hour trip several times over the couple of months that she had moved to stay with her daughter to seek diagnosis and treatment. It was a blessing.

Sitting next to her, even napping with their feet together on a sectional spoke volumes to me. After a nap, his comment was to me, “I remember us sleeping together with our feet together in the crib. Touching”. It was a twin thing.

He knew internally that the prognosis wasn’t good even before there were test results. My prayers for her became, “please be gracious” to her…and ultimately my prayers were answered for both of them.

She was a planner–we spent lots of time planning for her life celebration.

They decided that if they could put “fun” in Noble Park Funland, (the family amusement park business for those not local)…they could put “fun” in her “fun”eral. So like them both to have that attitude.

You see both of the twins are “fun”eral planners. They both updated their funeral folder often…often, with things that they DIDN’T want…but, with her…details of what she DID want were done in writing and then told to all of us.

Her oldest sister had sent playlists continually that nurtured her heart and gave opportunity for worship and gratitude. Connie was also the one that EVERYONE turns to for advice, medical and otherwise. She is brilliant and is our own personal “google”. Perhaps we should name her “Coogle”!

Her second oldest sister, a piano teacher (retired from Washington University), sent her piano hymns that she recorded that spoke volumes to her sister’s heart. Annette’s job was to play the piano at the “fun”eral which she did with her amazing daughter, Janna, also a piano teacher.

You see our dealing with grief became more focused on the beauty of celebrating her life with a beautiful ending.

We were given the task of the funeral plot selection and headstone. Things that were difficult to check off the list, but we survived.

My husband had the hardest job. He walked with her and her daughter through testing, test results and was the designated person to stay with her at the hospital for her last 48 hours. He was holding her hand while they were listening to their favorite hymn when she slipped away. Such a perfect ending and answer to the “be gracious” prayer for them both.

But, the hardest part for him, was following her “plan” of preaching her funeral, graveside, and celebrating her at her “potluck/party”, as she called it.

He was amazing at it all. Even down to the blonde wig he came out wearing as the party music began. An amazing way to get the party started with telling stories of her life after the meal. Laughter has always been their gift to all!

Can I tell you that laughter and sharing food and stories was the best for healing grieving hearts.

I’m sure Gayla would have this one of Nikki, her daughter, and Gary framed and sitting somewhere in her home. Nikki even had to follow her Mom’s directions of wearing her “Water Works” t-shirt. For those not from our area…that was the water slide Gayla managed that was part of the amusement park. Many still remember her TV commercials where she said…”Come on in…the water’s fine at the Water Works!”

My job, you ask?

You guessed it. Pound cake had to be made by me. LOTS of pound cakes for family gatherings at our home AND the after party. It was ALL eaten and taken back to Chicago, St. Louis, Tennessee, and Atlanta for starters. Each claiming their own piece or entire cake happened!

Lots of feet were under my table for nearly a week.

Her grandson and friends flew in from Florida. My boys and daughter in law came from Boise and Atlanta which was wonderful. Her daughter and family came from Tennessee. Siblings, spouses, nieces and nephews from St. Louis, Cincinnati, Chicago, and Bowling Green were gathered to celebrate her.

Dealing with grief and celebrating her life with family was so needed.

The cleaning of her home had so many “God moments” that we were in awe. Clothes given away to friends and a coworker who had recently lost her home to fire; special items given to friends; and even a photo in a frame that was a treasured “gift” to one.

Three days after her funeral, her little house was cleaned with contents given away or taken home with family and friends. So many blessed.

Even the flowers from her funeral were pressed and preserved and I’ll be sharing what gifts those offered for many soon.

If you have missed me the past few weeks on the blog…it’s because of all of this. I’ll be sharing the details of the “gift” of a time away that I am sure she orchestrated from heaven soon.

So, how do you deal with grief and celebrate the beauty of life?

I learned through it all that talking it through with her was important for all. For her, her twin, her daughter, her family and friends.

There were times that we said, “we haven’t even gotten a diagnosis yet” –that came after her death– “can we just not talk about it?”

But, that would never do.

She was at peace.

Whether God healed her or took her home…her relationship with Jesus and her heavenly Father was so present that we all knew that was how we wanted to end our time on earth this side of heaven. With peace and grace and assurance is what all of us can pray happens when we get to the place where life will take us.

Last Thanksgiving there were only 4 of us here…the twins and my sister and I. I treasure the memories of that meal moved to a different table and our conversations that day.

May you create memories that will carry you through if these are last holidays with family. If there are family members you have lost this past year, honor them with laughter and stories. I promise it will help all of you.

May you be graced with His grace at your table and among your gatherings.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. May we all be grateful for our gatherings.